Powerball and the genetic lottery

I Won!  I Won!  I Won!

I Won the Lottery. Unfortunately this is the kind of lottery no one wants to win. First my number came up in the Type 1 drawing. It was not unexpected that I would win the Type 1 drawing. After all, it was a part of my mothers and aunts lives so I sort of expected I would be rewarded with the prize someday. I was not, however, expecting it at 17. Given what we know today the odds of me cashing in were pretty slim. The only child of a Type 1 gets Type 1? What happened to skipping a generation? Heck I hear of people who have no information about where diabetes came from in their family. I know where mine came from. I had the example. But instead of skipping a generation or two or ten, I ended up with it. My fortune was foretold. Surely I would be a big winner in other areas of my life.

Type 1 and Disney

Then of course my luck was stretched further yet when I was diagnosed with Type 1 at Disney World. Yeah that Disney World for goodness sakes. Who gets the diagnosis of diabetes at Disney World? Surely it is some kind of a one in a trillion sort of guy who gets the diagnosis of diabetes at Disney World. I could not even watch the Abraham Lincoln robot say his part in the Hall of Presidents because I was off in the men’s room for the 29th time that day. No “Pirates of the Caribbean” because I was at the drink stand. I mean who goes to Disney World and is diagnosed with diabetes. Isn’t Disney World the happiest place on earth? Not for me in June 1974, instead of being the happiest place, I won the Type 1 lottery.

Turns out getting a diabetes diagnosis at a Disney Theme Park is not a real one in a trillion sort of thing. Through the miracle of the internet, I have met some folks who have been diagnosed at Disney theme parks around the world. We like to tweet the hashtag #DisneyGaveMeDiabetes. Really all we want is a free return trip for 2, 4 or in some cases (ok mine) 8 to the Disney theme park of our choice. I want to go to Disneyland Paris, my friend who was diagnosed at the Disneyland Paris wants to come to Orlando. We aren’t greedy mind you, I was diagnosed in 1974 at Disney World in Orlando so I have been waiting 42 years for a refund. Come on folks at Disney let’s avoid the bad publicity and take my wife, grandchildren, sons and I to Disneyland Paris for a 21 day summer adventure? Sounds fun right? Here is my deal you send us and I will promise to never use that hashtag again. I will even put the pledge in writing*. Think of the bad publicity you will be avoiding.

Rheumatoid Arthritis and IU

Rheumatoid Arthritis was something different. I never expected to have it, heck I did not even think it possible to get another win in the big genetic lottery. I thought, hey I won once how could I win again? Of course I did. I finally decided something was really wrong when I took my youngest son for a college visit at my favorite place in the world, Indiana University Bloomington.

I pinpoint this visit as the singular moment I knew something was desperately wrong. Being in Bloomington and not being able to go on the parent’s tour with my son was like being at Disney World and knowing something was wrong. Instead of being in the men’s room or at the drink stand I was at the welcome center watching my son start his college adventure. It was that day I resolved to check in with my doctor, he ran some tests, and I heard I won the genetic lottery once again.

Today I am announcing my twitter campaign, #IUgaveMeRA. Come on folks, I would not mind taking some free classes. I know; I know I have an advanced degree but I still want to learn about the history of Rock and Roll. Attend some graduate classes, sit in the Commons, have access to the library. You know, do some cool stuff. It is hard telling who found out they had RA while at IU. Maybe hundreds or thousands. So here is my deal IU; give me free classes and I will cease my twitter campaign**. After all, you do not want an old guy camped out in Dunn Meadow in a surplus army tent holding a sign that says #IUgaveMeRA? I am prepared to start the movement. Think of the bad publicity you will be avoiding if you simply give in to my demands.

I got my heart in Indiana

When I was informed of my third big win in 2006, a malformed heart (a slow developing birth defect), I knew I was the most lucky guy around. Hey open heart surgery, RA, Diabetes I needed to buy some lottery tickets. So I did; but no luck on the lottery. Surely the fix was in. I was a double winner with autoimmune disease, a genetic triple winner and yet I have not won the lottery. When the numbers were drawn a few weeks ago for that 1 billion dollar prize I did not even match two numbers. I now have proof the fix is in. So Indiana Lottery watch out for my new hashtag, #IndianaLotteryisFixed. But remember I can be convinced to stop the campaign. I think $333 million will set things right. If I get that winning ticket or a settlement I will of course promise to stop my twitter campaign. Come on folks it is just 333 million***. Think of the bad publicity you will be avoiding if you give in to my demands.

So come on Disney, IU and the Indiana Lottery its prize time; I already know I am a winner, let’s make me a lucky winner this time.

Note:

*Disney I can be bought for less, how about free admission for two days in Orlando maybe?
** IU, I can be bought for less how about just letting me sit in some class for no credit?
***Indiana Lottery I can be bought for a lot less, how about 10 free lottery tickets? Or maybe 1 lottery ticket. I am not greedy after all.

-30-

rick

Take Away for March 8, 2016

• Not all lottery winners are happy
• Disney, IU and the State of Indiana owe me some stuff
• I can be bought, pretty inexpensively
• This entire post is made in Jest, I hope you enjoyed it